Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
