I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
