Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
