its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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