Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
