The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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