you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
