How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
