What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
