I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
