I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
