just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
