So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
