Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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