I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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