so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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