i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
