i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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