i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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