shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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