You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
