I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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