Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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