When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
