Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
