Welp...herpes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
