I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize