question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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