I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
