babies were throwing up all over the place
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
