I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
