ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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