I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize