I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I smell stomach acid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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