dude i'm inner monologue high
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
