your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize