So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
