I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
