that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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