I just cut my nipple shaving
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
