at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
