So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
