Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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