dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
