You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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