One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
