the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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