I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
