he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
