Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
