Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
