i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
