What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
