Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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