Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
