White coat. Heels.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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