we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
