he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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