you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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