Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
