Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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