I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
