I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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