C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize