Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
