She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
