my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
