I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
