just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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