i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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