The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
