If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
