is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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