So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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