I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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