fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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