Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
