Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
