Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
