The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
