I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
