i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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