i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
