I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
