You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Pappa wants mamma naked
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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