Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
