Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize