Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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