party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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