I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
