ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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