I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
