Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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