Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
