So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
