so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
