Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
