O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
