Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
how does that bad decision feel?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
