meet me or not, i'm out of control
smell my finger.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
