One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
