Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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