She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
