i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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