aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
