**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
