He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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