your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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