which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
