What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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