Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
40s are totally the cure
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
