so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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