Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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