So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
