): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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