So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
