I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize